Papaw....12-20-2006

So, Papaw died this week, December the 20th to be exact. Needless to say, this holiday season has been very hard on my family. The funeral was hard for me. I can't put into words what it felt like to finally see my grandfather in peace and not hurting anymore. Such mixed feelings, and I realized that I am selfish for wanting him here with me. For the past couple of months he's been in a lot of pain and I know that it is best for him, but I wasn't quite ready for him to go yet. Today, Christmas lunch was hard. He used to sit across the table from me and to look up and not see him there was rough. On the way home from Malvern tonight I was thinking about Papaw. Christmas's will never be the same after you lose someone so close to you. After Meme died is when I began to realize that holiday's will never be as joyous an occasion as they were when the entire family is near. How precious is the time that we are able to spend with one another. All of the sudden, relationships become of utmost importance to me. This week, I've been telling everyone that I love them. I hate the hurting of losing someone, but isn't the risk of hurting worth the love that is given and recieved when you risk loving someone? Sometimes, it's hard to me to let go and just love someone, but that's what I've learned this week. It doesn't matter how hard it is, just love someone and don't be afraid to tell them you love them.

I know my Papaw loved me and I know he knew I loved him and that's all that matters. Michael and I were joking around after the funeral that Meme is probably already on him about something. She's had two years of watching and waiting from Heaven and I'm sure she's given him an ear full already. Papaw's complete now...the cancer can't touch him, the pain is gone, and the lonliness is over. He is united with Meme, his baby son, his brother, parents and grandparents. I hope he's watching me from Heaven. I hope that he continues to be a guiding light in my life. I hold dear to the love of my Papaw. I will always have a piece of my heart occupied by my Papaw.