Update on "Love"

So over the holiday break I had time to think about what I wrote in the last blog. It's really funny how God works when you think he couldn't care less. I met with the most influntial woman in my life right now, my pastor's wife. I don't think she reads my blog, but it was like she knew exactly the way I was feeling. We talked about love (and the lack of) and she was so incredibly encouraging to me. Her comments went beyond the superfacial Christian response of God has someone planned for you or you have to wait for His timing. She made me feel so much better about that aspect of my life.

We also spent a lot of time talking about what I see in my future. What am I going to do after grad school? Am I happy in grad school. It means so much that someone finally understands what I am feeling. I've talked to so many people and they all blow me off like they are not concerned but with her, I know she truly cares. She's probably one of the only people who truly believe in me and what I'm doing here in Texas. She is so encouraging and assures me that I have the whole world to conquer. She backs me no matter what I do and that's hard to find sometimes.

We talked about the lack of my prayer life. It spoke volumes to me to hear that she also has times when she feels like she can't pray. I was able to be open and honest about my loathing of prayer right now and how that effects my walk with God. I so appreciate her honesty and openness with me, especially on such a hard topic.

All in all, I'm feeling much better about where I was even two weeks ago. I owe a lot to this woman - my sanity, my faith, and my hope for the church and community.